A Wonderful Day

Got up this morning, thinking, that death, the inescapable monolith of the unknown, could be but a hair's width away from me.  It looms, unpredictably swaying, casting various shadows that lend to misdirected ideas and unhurried dreams.

Today, though, is likely not my day. 

However, I think we as human beings, suffer from the idea that we have enough time.  That time is actually on our side. That we might make it all count for something before the final curtain closes on that last scene, the audience gripped in awe and anticipation for the climax. But no one sees the bow. We never hear the applause.

We want it all, don't we? The big high-five and the gold medal.  The fame. The money. The fucking cheers. 

Pushing the covers away, I slide out of bed.  My wife is still sleeping, worn out from our baby girl's night calls.  As if on cue, I hear her through the baby monitor. On the screen I see she's tossing her head, lightly, side to side, before she succumbs to rest again. Thirteen pounds of beautiful.

I wonder if my wife feels the pains of her years as I do? I wonder if she thinks of life getting better and better? What if we each don't realize our greatest ambitions?

Questions for another time I suppose. 

My feet on the floor already, I stand up, and I hear the pops in my knees before I feel them. It's gonna be a wonderful day.

Self: Realized

"Self-realization is an expression used in psychology, spirituality and Eastern religions. The basic premise of self-realization is that there exists an authentic self which has to be discovered by psychological or spiritual self-striving. Self-realization can be a gradual or instantaneous phenomena depending on the school of thought but in all cases it involves extensive preparation of mind and emotions to recognize self-realization when it occurs. 

Self-realization is a maturing of the ego or personality to accept its own evanescence and thus allow space for the true Self to reveal itself. The moon veiled by clouds is an apt metaphor for the Self's apparent absence in our everyday lives. The dissolution of the ego's obsessive, internal pre-occupations with its psycho-somatic complexes frees the psyche's energy to directly experience Reality of the world as it is, free of any assumptions." 

What do you really know about yourself?  To be perfectly honest, most of us live sedentary lives that don't allow for much physical or mental strain.  Life is actually easy when you think about it.  We aren't threatened with physical harm, most of us aren't starving (especially U.S. citizens, where most of us are overweight) and there isn't much desire to push beyond what we experience on a daily basis.  We are content with our homes and families, poor health and improper diets.  We are at ease with sub-par education, lackluster dreams, ironic reality shows, conceited, self-gratifying social icons and money hoarding corporations to the point that we can't see how negatively they affect us.  On and on, we plod through life, sadly apathetic to what is surrounding us.  We are accepting misery.

There was a time when people were aware of what was at stake.  We took a stand for family, friends and God.  All people, not just the so-called Black people (a misnomer still, that I will always shun).  Our neighborhoods were solid, and we looked out for one another.  Now, we seem to mistrust ourselves and live is fear of each other.  We prey on each other, robbing, hurting, even killing those that are in the same predicament.  Then, we say we want better, but only show our worst sides.  Truly, it is like we don't want to be more, it is like we accept that we can only be less.  The government herds us into "projects" as to keep us from those parts of the city that are reserved for the more educated, privileged individuals.  How can one ignore this?  Is it just in the mind of an individual to resign to defeat, simply because of his situation?

I am saddened.  Today I see myself returning to the best of who I am, reclaiming my mind and body from the  edge of insanity.  To do this, my spirit speaks to my soul and they cooperate, unified, to work towards this goal.  It has been a long time since I've been so clear in my thoughts, but being self-realized grants this attribute.  I cannot go back; will not go back.  In 2001, I achieved this state prematurely, only to lose it in my immaturity and confusion.  This time, I will follow this path to the end.  I will speak up for those who have no voice.  I will show that injustice exists.  I will maintain healthy balance.  I will show others how to come into themselves and overcome.

Have you done your best?  Tried your best?  Even if it is not your best, have you tried at all?  What do you think you are? Who do you think you are?  These questions need to be answered.  I encourage you to find out.

God sings, and I hear Him.  I hear Him.  There is nothing like this feeling.

Trapped in the Matrix

I am hoping most of you have seen the movie, The Matrix. Maybe some of you haven’t seen it, possibly because it is sci-fi and you just don’t dig the genre. Maybe because you just don’t care for Keanu Reeves. Whatever the reason, I recommend it not because of the action, but because of its underlying philosophy. The Matrix challenges us to question the lives we are really living. Are we just sheep lead to the slaughter, walking through life with our heads down simply ignoring the truth of what is going on around us? Can we take charge of our real lives, the REALITY of ourselves, and travel the path towards mental freedom? The red pill or the blue pill? The choice is obvious, if we only recognize what the truth is…

The character Cypher in the movie represented the part of us that would rather accept the façade and live in ignorance of the truth. He betrays the cause that Neo is leading because he can’t deal with the pain that is revealed when the true path is taken. He thinks that living the lie is better. Is that how the majority of the world will feel? Are we so vain and ego-centric that we would prefer the lie over the truth? Sadly I think it is so…

But what happens when we begin to see the truth, and we embrace the hard path that Jesus walked? I have begun to look and recognize the part of myself that is false, and challenge it. Each day I make steps to dismantle my ego thoughts and diffuse them, which is to say, become aware of them. I recognize the ego thoughts that come because they are crazy and full of fear, doubt, sadness and anger. These ego thoughts do nothing but cloud the realness of who we are, and make life much harder to live with those around us.

Why do you think there is so much war and poverty and suffering? We suffer because of our egos and the by-products loosed from their manifestation. Jesus asked us to “die to ourselves” so that we may embrace the path he had taken. This death is refusing what the ego shows us and becoming aware of the veil it has draped over our lives. We must fight ourselves to become ourselves, which is no easy task. Yet it must be done.

Think about all the pain you have dealt with. Have you let it go? Do you still react to it? Does it still cause you to lash out in anger at others? Has it affected your relationships? If it has, then you will need to reevaluate your life and ask God to intercede so that you can let those situations go and forgive. The one thing God says for us to do is to forgive as He has forgiven us, and we will find freedom. Yet, we refuse to live that way. We hold onto it all and bury it down deep till it poisons us and all the relationships in our lives. We must get past this and become better people by recognizing our ego thoughts and challenging them. Those thought do not originate from the real you. The real you is free and clear and beautiful, not bitter and hateful and angry.

Please search your hearts and you will find what I say to be true.

Respect Yourself

If you want to be respected by others the great thing is to respect yourself. Only by that, only by self-respect will you compel others to respect you. - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

With a little illumination, just a bit more light, comes a brighter piece of the whole picture, shining for one to explore. I think that I have disrespected myself long enough, and with that, I have to make amends. I look at myself these days and see only a shadow of the former me. Though stronger, I am more agitated. I think I am wiser, but what have I to show for it? To what aim do I drive myself towards?

I only mean that I have come to the brink. I am looking over the precipice and down into the abyss. This, I think, is much like facing the inevitable downfall which is death: the release of our soul essence into God's infinite spirit. Through Jesus who strengthens me in my beliefs, I am grounded. I dare not waver, for as I respect He who gave me breath, I must realize that I gain respect through the ideals I have faith in. Basically, as I show my respect of God and others, others will respect me for those very things.

Your light can shine bright, for all to see. It breaks the darkness and shows the way, like any modern flashlight. The light is within us all and yearns to eminate from our being for all to notice. Some people call this an aura. It doesn't matter what it's called, because the idea is to cultivate your inner man in order to influence the outer one.

Respect of yourself will lead others to respect you. You must show that you are a person of principles; of faith. I am just now remembering what it is I need to be the happy, loving, gentle and caring person I know that I am. Sometimes when there is something missing from our lives we lose touch with who we are and begin to falter in our principles. I submit that at those times, we are disrespecting our inner being, refusing to grasp the true happiness we are allowed.

Think on it.
God be praised.

Knowledge Is Wasted On Fools

They are all hollow, empty creatures, blind, their ragged intellect unkempt, misused, treading through the old world with its red-faced belligerence. Seems they walked ashamed then, and I am forced to confront the dead essence of what I hoped to avoid. Why do they ignore the signs? These are signs of tears, of blood, that sit high and noticeable but might as well be removed, for knowledge is wasted on fools.

It's as if their heads are vacant buildings that harbor dissidents and disease, rats and filth, but outwardly proclaim, "ROOMS for RENT: CHEAP!!!"

My mind is restless, caring naught for gain but glory, so I am lost in my own inner rebellion- good and evil clawing at my sternum. Still I am not empty, my honor is gold, and I realize the world holds nothing of the true substance anymore, emptied of its most promising days- or maybe those days are still on order.

Why is it that faith holds no meaning anymore? Are we really that empty, still, that we search for outward impressions instead of turning the eye to the inner? Is God dead in the eyes of men? I question that, because I read bits of "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" and the author's proclamation of "God's death" seemed to be a theme that echoes through this country. There is nothing sacred. We fall victim to the wiles of the devil, caught in his distractions, yet we must not make them our focus and backslide down the path to ruin.