Let It Burn (The Price of Freedom)

Pain is the price of freedom.

Spirituality is present when you are ready to pay that price for freeing yourself of your pain. When you are comfortable with the pain, and can allow it to pass through you.  It will hurt.  It will burn you and may even send you reeling. But it is better to allow that pain to come and express itself fully, with you aware that it is there, than to push it away from you and never acknowledge it.

Imagine that your mother is dying, but you don’t know it.  You have no idea. But your sister, with whom you have a horrible relationship, has called to tell you.  Now, you love your mother but you loathe your sister.  So, you see her calling but you decide not to answer because you want to punish her still, for something she did so long ago that you can’t remember.  She keeps calling and leaving messages but you don’t even listen to them. You block her from your phone because she won’t stop. 

A few days pass and finally another family member calls and says that your mother has died.  You are hurt and sad and frustrated that you didn’t know. They tell you that your sister has tried to call you several times but couldn’t reach you. You then feel ashamed that you let your old grudge get in the way of the love you had for your mother.  You’re mad and distraught that she died before you got a chance to say goodbye, just because you were stubborn.

If you would have just allowed your sister that call, you could have embraced all the pain that you would have felt anyway and still had a chance to talk to your mother before she died.  In your avoidance, you caused even more pain to yourself.

We have to allow our pain its due.  We cannot hide from it because it will fester into something even more painful.  It’s like cancer when left untreated, except it doesn’t kill you physically.  It provides a more heinous result: mental and spiritual anguish.  This kind of torture is something that haunts a life and grasps hold of all that is good, ruining relationships and stunting your spiritual growth.

Let it burn now.  In my struggles I was just like this. I pushed things away that hurt me, or even those that I thought would hurt me.  I refused to listen to my friends and family that told me I was wrong.  I even allowed my pain to subvert the health of my relationship, nearly destroying my marriage.  The pain I caused my wife, God help me, was nearly irreparable.  But when I finally started to embrace that pain and see what I had done to her, only then was I able to heal our relationship and myself.  It was so painful hearing that I’d caused her so much pain, that eventually I had to go to therapy.  It was so bad at times I just fought with her about it, refusing to acknowledge her very valid concerns. My need for control was out of control, if you understand what I’m saying. 

I wanted to avoid what I had done. I needed to maintain the picture of someone who did things for valid reasons.  I wanted to justify my bad behavior.  All of it was just a vehicle for hiding from myself, fearing that exposing my true problems would make me a pariah of sorts.  But in my weakness, God makes me strong.  I was made whole by just yielding to that pain.

We are all broken individuals, struggling through life, trying to make it work.  Not one of us is truly special.  We are just people, trying to be loved by people.  People with pain and scars and misdeeds.  Human.  Don’t avoid who you are because you’re afraid of what someone else will think. 

Let that pain burn through you and be cleansed like iron in fire.

Sugar Addiction: 5 Quick Steps Down the Road to Freedom

The struggle to liberate yourself from any addiction, seems to lie within the strength of your will power. What is most puzzling is that the Bible tells us how there is a way that a man knows, but that is not the way. The more I think on this and as I attempt to conquer this thing with my own strength, I am waking to the fact that this will take more than just me.  Sugar addiction is rooted deep in the physiology, and it is even harder to escape because so many food products are laced with it. It's hard to win a battle when the game is rigged against you.

There are some things that have helped me find small victories each day.

1. Write down or record what you eat.  I use my Fitbit app to record my eating habits and it helps because you are more cognizant of what is going into your body. Jenny Craig is also great for recording what you eat.

2. Talk about that which you're struggling.  I record small videos of myself as a reminder for how I feel during my most weakened times, where my will power is at a low.  This really helps to fortify myself for the next day or the rest of the remaining day.  It's also comforting to express the pains of the process.

3. Get an accountability partner.  My wife is pretty much my go to person with this whole sugar liberation thing. I let her know that I don't need any sugar and she makes sure that I don't have any or sneak anything.

4. Be forgiving.  Don't be down on yourself if you fail. Just get back into the driver's seat and continue towards your destination.  This isn't an easy process nor will you win every battle.  The goal is to win the war.

5. Stay prayerful.  Make sure to place these desires in your prayer time.  Making your goals known to God is important because he paves the way for your victory.  Have faith, and continue forward despite any fears.

These are just some of my weapons in this war on sugar. There is a link below for additional support from some real experts.  Good luck and God speed!

Sugar Addiction Support

Self: Realized

"Self-realization is an expression used in psychology, spirituality and Eastern religions. The basic premise of self-realization is that there exists an authentic self which has to be discovered by psychological or spiritual self-striving. Self-realization can be a gradual or instantaneous phenomena depending on the school of thought but in all cases it involves extensive preparation of mind and emotions to recognize self-realization when it occurs. 

Self-realization is a maturing of the ego or personality to accept its own evanescence and thus allow space for the true Self to reveal itself. The moon veiled by clouds is an apt metaphor for the Self's apparent absence in our everyday lives. The dissolution of the ego's obsessive, internal pre-occupations with its psycho-somatic complexes frees the psyche's energy to directly experience Reality of the world as it is, free of any assumptions." 

What do you really know about yourself?  To be perfectly honest, most of us live sedentary lives that don't allow for much physical or mental strain.  Life is actually easy when you think about it.  We aren't threatened with physical harm, most of us aren't starving (especially U.S. citizens, where most of us are overweight) and there isn't much desire to push beyond what we experience on a daily basis.  We are content with our homes and families, poor health and improper diets.  We are at ease with sub-par education, lackluster dreams, ironic reality shows, conceited, self-gratifying social icons and money hoarding corporations to the point that we can't see how negatively they affect us.  On and on, we plod through life, sadly apathetic to what is surrounding us.  We are accepting misery.

There was a time when people were aware of what was at stake.  We took a stand for family, friends and God.  All people, not just the so-called Black people (a misnomer still, that I will always shun).  Our neighborhoods were solid, and we looked out for one another.  Now, we seem to mistrust ourselves and live is fear of each other.  We prey on each other, robbing, hurting, even killing those that are in the same predicament.  Then, we say we want better, but only show our worst sides.  Truly, it is like we don't want to be more, it is like we accept that we can only be less.  The government herds us into "projects" as to keep us from those parts of the city that are reserved for the more educated, privileged individuals.  How can one ignore this?  Is it just in the mind of an individual to resign to defeat, simply because of his situation?

I am saddened.  Today I see myself returning to the best of who I am, reclaiming my mind and body from the  edge of insanity.  To do this, my spirit speaks to my soul and they cooperate, unified, to work towards this goal.  It has been a long time since I've been so clear in my thoughts, but being self-realized grants this attribute.  I cannot go back; will not go back.  In 2001, I achieved this state prematurely, only to lose it in my immaturity and confusion.  This time, I will follow this path to the end.  I will speak up for those who have no voice.  I will show that injustice exists.  I will maintain healthy balance.  I will show others how to come into themselves and overcome.

Have you done your best?  Tried your best?  Even if it is not your best, have you tried at all?  What do you think you are? Who do you think you are?  These questions need to be answered.  I encourage you to find out.

God sings, and I hear Him.  I hear Him.  There is nothing like this feeling.