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Mediocrity by M. Dionne Ward

Maybe we all need to be ok with being mediocre at something.
We all can't be geniuses at everything and anything.

Recently, I came across this guy, whom will remain nameless, that was ecstatic that he'd published his own book. Yeah, I've done it. Twice now. And they are, reasonably average at best and at worst, blaring horns of resounding mediocrity. Testaments to my own self-aggrandizement. 

And also, labors of love.

So, his labor of love, if it was that, was a terrible read.  From the beginning, it was hard to read. It started out with sentence fragments and over-explained situations, taking us stutter-step through the main character's waking moments. 

As much as it was hard to read for me, I can only imagine that someone with better skills would find my best work hard to read for them. I can only guess.

Anyway, as delusional as that guy was, I can't be one to deny my own delusions. I suppose I think I'm a better writer than I actually am, with more potential than the law allows. That I'm good at something, without putting my all into it for more than a decade. I haven't suffered enough to be a good writer. To even say I'm a writer, maybe I'm subconsciously hoping that I'll receive some validation that has weight.

It's possible that the delusions persist as a human condition. Just to help us reach our pinnacle, if there is one. 
 

I Look for Motivation by M. Dionne Ward

Determination. Tenacity. Patience. Devotion.

They are what is missing from these days. Beyond the joy I feel from my family and the blessing they bestow, God has gifted me with a yearning for completeness. A need to be whole. In my mind I reach for such a desire with gusto, but I am denied because my devotion is lacking. I no longer feel devoted to myself.

This is an angle I never foresaw, and it leaves me bewildered. There's an aching in my mind that I cannot reach, like an itch in the narrow of my back. But, I still seek out an answer.

I read constantly. I look for motivation. For words. Ideas. Thoughts. And I am always missing something. Something. I think if I did find something, somehow I might not know how to utilize it. More than likely, it’s a matter of will, and I’m just too weak right now to accomplish it. That’s the hard and honest answer. The simplest. K.I.S.S. method and all that.

Either way, it won’t stop me from searching. I guess that’s the beauty of it all. The persistence of the journey and the surprises that avail you as you go.

I wish you fortune and blessing in whatever journey you face.